Central Asia Journal No. 67

Regulation, Oppression and Expression of Pukhtun Women: In ‘Tapa’ and Narratives

Sarfraz Khan*
 & Samina**
                                   Akhir ba ma pa lala mrha krhe                        
Che de rebar pa wraz ke dwa zala razeena

If the messenger keeps on coming twice a day
                                                               
Zama pa khpal lali bawer de
Ka da charho pa suko lar vi ra ba shee na
I have faith in my beloved
Even if the path towards me leads on the tips of the knives, he will manage to reach
                                               
Abstract

This paper uses ‘Tapa’, a genere of Pukhto folk poetry, and narratives of Pukhtun women, collected from both sides of Durand Line, to delineate customary instruments regulating and oppressing women. It identifies patterns of expression of women’s desires and aspirations in Pukhtun society. It also discusses ways Pukhtun women use tradition as modality for change. 
Pukhtun profess adherence to Pukhtunwali, the unwritten Pukhtun code of conduct. Through various notions, customs, traditions and institutions of Pukhtunwali, all aspects of Pukhtun life, including women’s bodies, desires, sentiments and aspirations are regulated and oppressed. Pukhtun women, however, find ways to contest oppressive customs and traditions and negotiate their desires and sentiments. Since time immemorial women have been articulating and expressing in Tapa, forbidden desires, aspirations and sentiments, considered taboos in ordinary discourse. Themes expressed in tapa are further substantiated by narratives of Pukhtun women from either side of the Durand Line.
Introduction

In Pakistan, Pukhtun tribes predominantly inhabit provinces of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Baluchistan and Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA). They also constitute the largest ethnic group in Afghanistan, dwelling largely in the South, Southwest and East of Afghanistan. Metropolitan cities, such as Karachi, also find Pukhtun in millions. Pukhtun tribes range from sedentary to semi-sedentary, semi-nomads and nomads. Since time immemorial, adherence to tribal kinship; political machinations of imperialism and the ensuing Great Game, political instability, militarization of Pukhtun by various emperors, invaders, empires, state and non-state actors, ‘Cold War’ and ‘War on Terror’; continuing war in Afghanistan for more than three decades; as well as state policies marginalizing Pukhun in Pakistan; have been instrumental in sustaining primitive tribal mindset. Consequently, various dimensions of socio-political life including gender relations are largely governed by tribal codes, customs and institutions with an admixture of Islam. Patriarchal tribal customary practices have been perpetuating male privilege and enhancing men’s control over women in the war ragged Pukhtun land.   
Pukhtun, living in any part of the world, express reverence to Pukhtunwali and claim to be adhering to in their social life. In the absence of efficient and effective legal, judicial, administrative and law enforcement institutions in Afghanistan and Pakistan, prevalence of Pukhtun tribal code makes sense. The so-called special status given to FATA by the British and retained by the successor state of Pakistan, renders Pukhtun customs and traditions legitimate as customary law under Frontier Crimes Regulation, 1901 (FCR) in vast territories of Federally and provincially administered tribal areas.  Similarly, a large segment of Pukhtun population, in rural areas of Afghanistan, predominantly lives by this oppressive androcentric Pukhtun tribal code, regulating women.
Pukhtun woman’s response to regulation, oppression, and her aspirations can be observed examining their life. Since woman has largely been a close subject with Pukhtun men, there exist few opportunities to examine real life of Pukhtun women. As Spain stated, Pathan speak very little about women. Women are part of the background only, presence of women in the family can be seen through the food they prepare and the little children especially girls bear evidence to the fact that there are women in Pathan life.   This paper attempts to provide a rare opportunity to peep into Pukhtun women life, through Tapa and their narratives. It creates a window to observe, numerous ways women negotiate their desires and sentiments, in honour driven Pukhun society. Pukhtun women are amongst the most restricted and unheard segment of world population in the annals of history. Tapa and narratives may serve as the most important oral sources of historical research on the lives of Pukhtun women, especially their desires, sentiments and aspirations. A brief introduction to Pukhtunwali, Tapa and narratives of Pukhtun women are given below:

Pukhtunwali
Notions of Pukhtunwali (unwritten Pukhtun tribal code) comprise; nang/ghairat, honour/pride, melmastia, hospitality, badal, revenge, khegara, benevolence, panah, sanctuary. It has evolved institutions such as, jirga, council of elders, hujra, male community centre, hasher, collective work, lakhkar, tribal militia, wesh, traditional land distribution; and claims to have traditions such as, teega, cease fire, rogha, peace-making, nanawate, forgiveness, swara, giving girl in marriage to make peace, meerata,, eliminating all male family members, even infants, of the enemy. The notions of Pukhtun tribal code, institutions, traditions and practices are instrumental in regulating and oppressing women. This code strictly regulates women’s entire life and demands suppression/regulation of their desires and sentiments too.  Even Pukhtun women, taking pride in compliance, retort, “man’s Pukhtunwali lies in protecting [regulating] his women, land and religion.”

Tapa
A genre of Pukhto folk poetry, has been the most favorite of women. It is a two-lined verse; first line is half and the second is full. It comprises 22 (9+13) syllables. It depicts emotions and events, in history, with variations through ages. Tapa possesses tremendous creative possibilities; it can be manipulated according to myriad situations. Tapa is not an exclusive genre- limited to poets alone, rather common men and women compose tapa according to their life situations, and the composers remain anonymous. Tapa is also known as landai, nemakai, teekai and [wrongly] rubai.
Though, both men and women compose and sing tapa, but it is considered to be the preferred genre of women. Themes of tapa also reveal that a majority has been coined by women. It is believed that tapa originated, to pass long travel time, to far flung places, such as, mountains, forests, grazing grounds and water sources. Also during long, monotonous chore, such as thrashing and grinding grains and to release stress during difficult tasks. Tapa has been composed and sung at diverse sites: such as home, hujra, deserts, forests, mountains, battlegrounds, orchards, fields, streams, riversides and special occasions including: weddings, funerals and other ceremonies. Women have been singing tapa individually as well as in gatherings. Tapa, like Bedouin, ghinnawa (a short song) has been recited or sung frequently during conversations. Abu-Lughod argues, ghinnawa is a vehicle of confidential communication perceived by others as personal statements, hence, most of the time classified. It articulates sentiments ofpersonal life and closest relationships. Tapa, too provides opportunity to express personal sentiments, however, the scope of tapa is much broader. Themes of tapa are as varied as; war, victories, national heroes, nature, beloved, praising chivalry of the male beloved, love for homeland, laments on separation from the beloved, poverty, homesickness, miseries of life in displacement etc. Tapa presents a comprehensive picture of Pukhtun life including: worldview, practices, moral code and historical events.
Competitions amongst women to sing tapa around a particular theme are held too. There has been a tradition of linking tapa to one’s luck; women gather to listen to tapa sung either by one of them or from a cassette player/radio. Each woman randomly chooses a tapa prior to its singing and when tapa issung it is believed to be reflecting her life, past, present and future. In case a literate woman or child is available, tapa written on small pieces of paper are collected in a bucket and circulated among women. Each woman picks a piece of paper and the tapa is believed to be linked to her fortune.
Tapa is a narrative of Pukhtun women mostly produced by women themselves, wherein they speak, without any pretensions, about their life. Hence, they use tapa to give voice to forbidden desires and sentiments at various stages of their life, such as, childhood, adolescence, youth, marital life, etc, in an oppressive patriarchal society. The tapa, depicts forcefully women’s desires, sentiments, aspirations and oppressive control over it. Expressions, such as, yearning for the beloved, separation from husband and/ beloved, lamentation of being forced to live a loveless life, forced marriages of young pretty girls with ugly old men, confinement, protest over bride price, hardships of love relations and demand of modesty in the name of Pukhtunwali. Some of the tapa(s) have been compiled and published but many remain undocumented. We state and explain some as evidence here to bring our points home.

Narratives of Pukhtun Women

History of Pukhtun, written almost exclusively by men, provides no or little insight into the life of women let alone their desires, sentiments and aspirations. Foreign writers had no access to women’s life and history written by local Pukhtun men also allocates negligible space to women and gives only male’s perspective about women. We have collected women’s narratives and ‘Tapa’ belonging to both settled and tribal areas stretched over a period, 2007-10, from either side of the Durand line. We found these oral narratives and tapa useful to peep into their desires, sentiments and aspirations, in the absence of record written by women.

Regulation and Oppression

Regulation of woman’s sexuality, aspirations and sentiments seems the cornerstone of Pukhtunwali. A large majority of Pukhtun customary practices sanction man’s authority over women. Man is authorized to control physical, psychological, emotional and even spiritual dimensions of her life. John Stuart Mill challenges the sanctity of customs and traditions that establish and sustain the hierarchy of sexes. He argues that our institutions and customs are grounded in the law of force; inferiority of women is simply a general practice coming down to us historically due to the weaker muscular strength of women.
Laws and customs recognize generally held practices, existing relations between individuals and give them sanction in a society. Moral codes are developed to sustain and propagate the established social order of relationships including hierarchy of sexes. Historian Gerda Lerner traces the origin of customs regulating women’s sexuality to the instinct of group survival. For group survival it had been necessary that women devote most of their adulthood to pregnancies, childbearing and nursing. “[T]ribes and groups in which women did not mother well or which did not guard the health and survival of their nubile women, probably could not and did not survive.” Hence, women’s sexuality and reproductive capacity had always been considered a tribal resource and instruments were developed to control and regulate.
Lila Abu- Lughod claims, on the basis of her research on Bedouin tribes, that sexuality is considered greatest threat to the tribal social system, solidarity of kin groups and the authority of family/tribal elders. Bedouin tribal organization is based on patrilineality and relationship between men. Bedouin tribal culture identifies woman with sexuality.  She further elaborates, “[t]he roots of sexuality’s negative value in Bedouin thought lie primarily in the social order. Where common descent and consanguinity provide the primary, and only legitimate, basis for binding people together, the sexual bond is a threat in that it unites individuals outside of this conceptual framework of social relations.” Tribal code demands modesty from women, and modesty entails denial of sexuality. The more women are able to deny their sexuality, the more honorable they become. Tribal code of honour and modesty regulates women’s desires, sentiments and sexuality to sustain social order. Abu-Lughod locates expression of sentiments that challenge the tribal code in folkpoetry, tales and songs, terms it ‘subversive discourse’ serving as a form of resistance. Tapa weaved by Pukhtun women, like Bedouin ghinnawa, can be considered an indigenous Pukhtun form of resistance, offered by women.
Shahnaz Khan argues that state is complicit in the moral regulation of women by kin groups and families. State from its very inception had been patriarchal. State institutions and policies establish and sustain man’s dominance and control over women. Morality and legal/judicial structures and patriarchy within the families, kin groups and state institutions are inter-connected. Nexus of moral, religious and national discourse, laws and state institutions oppress women. They sanction men to control and appropriate women’s reproductive capacity and sexuality. Pukhtun customs and traditions are also primarily designed to control and regulate women. The tapa stated below vividly underlines this fact:

Notion of honour prevails over all other notions and institutions of Pukhtunwali, and sites of honour are mainly located in woman and land in a tribal society. Zan, woman, zar, gold/money, and zameen, land, are the principal causes of blood feuds in tribal society and these feuds often continue for generations. Woman’s name, honour, and reputation are considered very sacred and jealously guarded. Female relatives are always considered a potential threat to man’s honour and Pukhtunwali. Woman is a close subject in Pukhtun society, men not only avoid speaking about their female relatives in public spaces, but also consider it an offence, if someone names or discusses their female relatives in public.
Man’s commitment to Pukhtunwali and his status in Pukhtun society is largely dependent on the reputation of female relatives. Institutions and traditions, ostensibly egalitarian, are manipulated and practiced in a manner that establish and reinforce superiority of men over women.  Exclusion of women from institutions such as Jirga, Hujra, Wesh, lakhkar, and customs such as volvor, bride price, swara, honour killing dis-empower women and deny them the right to life, liberty, property, work, education, consent marriage, divorce and mobility in the name of Pukhtunwali. Elderly women of the family often share men’s views, inculcate this view in succeeding generation and are instrumental in regulating younger women of the family. Ms X, aged 50, widow with 4 children, thinks that control over women is necessary for their own protection. She even justifies killing to uphold one’s honour.
Prior to marriage, honour of a girls’ father, brother and paternal kins is located in her chastity. To varying degrees they all possess a right to regulate her life. Since her birth a daughter is termed as a ‘drun petay’, huge burden, a potential threat to family’s honour and a burden on family’s resources. Although, she contributes much to the family’s resources by fetching water, gathering fuel, grazing cattle, lending hand in agriculture and finally bringing cash as her bride price. The tapa stated below explicitly scoffs at greed and so called notion of honour of male relatives.

Bride price is an old Pukhtun tribal practice, observed widely till date. It is a common practice in Afghanistan, Baluchistan, FATA and some areas of Khyber Pukhtunkhwa. In Afghanistan people are wary of ever rising high bride prices; specifically, in Paktia and Kandahar bride price is very high. It ranges from 300,000 to 500,000 Afghanis i.e., 6320-10537 USD.
Narratives of Afghan women informed that their parents received bride prices irrespective of their socio-economic condition.  Narratives of women from FATA point to a similar situation, however, a few recently married, younger women in FATA, adjacent to Peshawar City state that their parents declined bride price rather gave them dowry. Decline in practice of this custom amongst Pukhtun residing specifically in urban areas of Pakistan can be inferred. Even a small faction of tribal population comprising educated middle class having exposure to urban life have begun to question, condemn and decline this practice. However, it is still rampant among the socially underdeveloped and poorer families. In Tirah, Khyber Agency and North as well as South Waziristan Agencies currently bride price ranges from Rs. 30,000 to100,000 i.e., 375-1250$.
In reality a large majority of women condemn bride price and term it inhuman and un-Islamic. Still some justify it, saying, ‘volvor is not the price of a woman. It is the money given by the groom to buy clothes and jewelry for the bride and to prepare food for the guests, participants of the wedding. The purpose of volvor is to reduce burden on bride’s family.’ Hafizullah Emadi, considers it a compensation for the money spent on the girl’s care and upbringing. The justification offered, stems from the belief that a daughter is a burden on her parent’s resources, and she does not contribute. While a boy is a protector and a provider, hence, he should bear all the expenses of the wedding. Though a majority of Pukhtun oppose, interpreting volvor as bride price and argue that volvor is contribution of groom, an earning hand, towards wedding expenses incurred by bride’s family.
Some narratives reveal that socio-historical practices at times make women feel like objects and commodity: Ms X1, married 37 years ago and takes pride in her high bride price. Her volvor was Rs. 3000, a very big amount at the time of her marriage. Her father, himself a rich man, bought her gold jewelry with that money. In Afghanistan fellow women are ridiculed for having lower bride price by those having higher. They believe that higher bride price is paid for younger, prettier, more desirable and sought after women. Young girls are given over in marriage to older men for higher bride price. These practices have provided justification to male relatives to marry their daughter/sisters/nieces for financial gains.
Women in their tapa have been very articulate in condemning their sale and purchase to provide services to men, e.g., woman in subsequent tapa laments the cruelty of father and terms sale her bridal price.

She curses her father for being inconsiderate to her well-being and not concerned when he should be while selling even a female donkey. 

These tapa demonstrate that volvor has made women think of their marriages as bargain and business deal concluded by their fathers/brothers, whereby they are exchanged for cash as commodities providing sex and services to their husbands. They protest and consider their status has been downgraded to worse than cattle. Turizona, codified customs, also bear evidence to the fact that women are bought and sold like commodities. It contains a price list, titled as nurkhnama, fixing prices of women of various denomination and tribes. The list in 1944, for example, stipulates price of a virgin (unmarried girl) 1000 Kabuli (Afghan Currency) and a widow 800 Kabuli.
Marrying daughters for high bride prices have been the source of separation between the lovers throughout the ages. Demand of higher volvor by the fathers of the girls has been forcing young men to travel to far away cities and countries to earn money. 

Early marriages of girls have been one of the major instruments to regulate women’s sexuality and a good way to avoid threat to family’s honour. They are often engaged for marriage either at the time of birth or at a tender age of 7-8 years. Endogamy and exchange marriages have been prevalent and used to strengthen family networks. Kinship ties, family terms, engagements fixed in childhood and, customs such as volvor and swara are often the source of forced marriages. In subsequent tapa Pukhtunwomen bemoan denying them the right to choose matching spouse.

Girl’s consent for wedding is not sought. Even the so-called progressives could not grant women the right to consent marriage. Hafizullah Amin’s daughter, Ghaurgati, loved a non-Pashtun man, Rafiq. Family pressured her to marry her paternal cousin in an exchange marriage. Paternal cousins are preferred in giving the hand of a daughter in marriage. Better proposals to wed a girl are refused for the sake of paternal cousins, even in case of a swear mismatch. Paternal cousin thinks he has a birthright over his female cousin. To enforce the right of paternal cousins, a practice known as Jagh or Ghag, has developed. Jagh refers to a claim declared by a man over a woman, which implies that anyone wishing to marry her has to deal with him first. It is mostly practiced by paternal cousins, in case proposal is refused for a cousin. After the Jagh has been declared by a boy, no one dares marrying that girl because it means blood feud with the boy’s family. Women, however, express anguish and despair, in tapa, over diminishing prospects of getting married or long wait during engagement period prior to wedding.

Ms X2, aged 30, a school teacher, has been a Jagh victim.She refused marrying her paternal cousin, thinking he did not match her in education, appearance and behavior, ten years ago. The cousin advanced Jagh, consequently, she is still unmarried and may not marry the rest of her life. ‘It is better to live without a man than living with a man whom you don’t like”, she says. Being educated and financially independent, X2 could exercise her right to refuse marrying a man (a rare event), not of her choice.
Ms X3, aged 70, could not dare to decline her paternal cousin 53 years ago. She became an orphan, while infant, without siblings. She had to live with paternal uncle and was engaged to his son since childhood. She did not want to marry her cousin, but could not muster courage to say no. Since, she had been dependent on her uncle and cousin for food and shelter. Moreover, as paternal kin, they had right over her life and death. She refused conjugal relations to her husband, after marriage, saying, ‘I saw in him a brother, how could I sleep with him.’ It appears, by declaring him brother like, she avoided hurting his ego, and inviting trouble to be sold away. She still cannot dare to say that she was not attracted to her cousin. Her husband married another woman and is having a large family, while X3 lives like a widow. She could not think of divorce and remarriage, instead she is forced to say that she had never been interested in marriage and conjugal relations per se.
Forced to live loveless marriages, and continue conjugal relations, women give vent to their despair and lament:

Marital bond, even inept, is considered sacred, inviolable and obligatory. Sanctity of marriage and institutional control over women is imparted not only as an essential part of moral instruction but is also enforced by resort to creating fear and terror in women since childhood. For Ms X4, aged 57, getting married is obligatory for every woman, not for the satisfaction of carnal needs, but to seek protection that a husband provides. Delivering a sermon to younger women she retorts, ‘Husband is like a veil, a married woman, if wanders even bear head, she is covered still, while an unmarried, despite being veiled remains unprotected and vulnerable.’ Pukhtunwali for women means, bearing everything in silence, obedience and submission to husband and not complaining to anyone even parents. It is a general saying amongst Puktun that, ‘A true pukhtana (Pukhtun woman) suffers with sealed lips.’
Ms X5, 53, joins discussion quoting a proverb, ‘Khawand num da Khudai de’, Husband is the name of God. In Pukhtu language Khawand meaning owner, refers to both husband and God. Turizona also refers to male guardian of woman as her waris/malik, owner. Hence, it is the duty of a Pukhtun woman to serve and obey her husband that grants her a title of real Pukhtana woman. Pukhtun society abounds with women claiming proudly to be real Pukhtana by having lived with abusive, drug addict and mentally disabled husbands for longer periods, without complaints. Compulsion to bear in silence is given voice in tapa below:

In real life Pukhtun women “are advised at the time of wedding to bear everything in silence to keep their marriage and house intact”. In fact there exists no recourse even if they complain. Pukhtun tribal culture does not approve of divorce, and as a matter of fact divorce is considered a disgrace for a man. Rejecting or refusing one’s husband entails grave repercussions. “What else a woman can do, except liking her husband. If she refuses conjugal relation to husband, she will be sold to someone from remote areas where living conditions are even harder.” Customary law legitimizes killing of a woman along with her accomplice, if she tries to elope. Suffering in an unhappy marriage is expressed in tapa below:

Women, forced to continue unhappy marriages, often find refuge in falling ill or committing suicide. Ms X6, aged 26, married for 7 years suffers from insomnia after marriage. She does not complain of mistreatment of husband or in-laws, however, ‘my heart sinks at my husband’s home. I cannot eat and go to sleep there’, she enjoins. She feels better at her parent’s place, therefore, often visits and stays at her parents. When forced to go to her husband, she began having fits. She declared evil spirits at her husband’s home tormenting her and found a strong reason to settle permanently at her parents. Numerous recent suicide cases of newly married girls, specifically in Afghanistan, are believed to be stemming from, either dislike of husbands or violence by husbands/ in laws, or both.  
To settle blood feuds and honour related disputes in Pukhtun society, women are used as pawns and given into non-consensual and forced marriages. Pore, loan, and bad, feud, are two customs whereby women are used as pawns. Pore may also refer to an unfulfilled vengeance. A man may clear his debt, by giving a girl in marriage or to pacify an unfulfilled vengeance. Bad is also reconciled through giving in of a girl. According to Kamali pore and bad are widely practiced. Among Durrani tribe, three women are given for each man killed and one for each wounded person. If a woman runs away with another Durrani, three women are given in compensation to restore honour. Unmarried daughter or sister of the offender given over in marriage to the aggrieved family is termed as Swara. Though swara may prevent bloodshed but the brunt of crimes committed by father/brother has to be borne by an innocent girl. There had been cases of presenting minor girls as swara. Swara, in most cases, leads a miserable life in a hostile house and is often treated as a maid.

Elderly women, mothers and mother-in-laws, having achieved position of authority owing to seniority in age, commend servitude and submission to husband’s authority, and modesty as essential attributes of women. X7 proudly claims to do nothing without permission of her husband. She considers it duty of men to regulate women’s sexuality.  “Woman can be easily seduced and deceived since her brain is located in khangar (ankle), while man’s is in the head, therefore, he is better’, she said. ‘A man who can not control his women is like pimp and Pukhtun women don’t likesuch men.’
X8, aged 55, approves of regulating women’s sexuality by man. ‘Being strict to women in matters of Pukhtu and haya’ (chastity), she lauds. She claims to be still abiding by fear of her husband, dead 15 years ago. ‘Whenever I have to go away from home, I still seek permission from my husband’s grave.’ They use these values as instruments to wield power in their hands and control younger female family members. Some exercise more power than even their husbands. They claim that obedience to husband is rewarding here and in hereafter, ‘pleasing your husband earns you a place in heaven.’
X8, approves of her husband regulating mobility, dress code, and veiling/confinement of female family members, arguing, ‘women are stupid, can be easily tempted to do wrong’. Her husband’s strict control over women has earned family much respect, she thinks. She does not go shopping, and happily accepts whatever husband brings. To her, love develops naturally following formal marital bond and loving husband requires care, servitude and total submission. Love means reverence that forbids her pronouncing husband’s name and to do anything without his permission. Acting without prior permission of husband, she considers a sin, to be punished by God. Without prior permission of her husband, once, her son took her, along with other women of the family, to a women’s park in Peshawar. As a consequence she fell ill, she imagines. She commands respect of her sons and daughter in laws for holding such views and ensuring such conduct. Her three married sons consider her a role model and want their wives to ape her. It entitles her to hold unquestioned obedience and services of two daughters and three daughter-in-laws. During our conversation, neither her daughters nor daughter-in-laws could dare to uncover their heads. She reprimanded them whenever their headscarf slipped a little.
Ms X9, aged 70, is known amongst neighbours and relatives to be a very strict woman to her daughter-in-laws. She disapproves display of emotions even by a married couple. In her view, men these days are too disgraceful; they don’t exercise strict control over women. Influenced by TV and movies, men extend more care and affection to their wives. They want them to have appearance like film actresses. Women too, she thinks, have become shameless, they wear tighter dress and openly interact with their husbands more.
Ms X10, aged 60, share above mentioned views. She thinks women in the past were modest, ‘they were not interested in fashion and men. She does not approve of female education, ‘you send your daughter to school and she elopes with a man.’ Her daughter-in-law wanted to send her daughters to school but she did not allow.
A majority of women complained of the strictness of their mother-in-laws; one reported that her mother-in-law used to pull her long thick hair, another complained of her mother-in-law, waking her up at mid night to fetch water or gather fuel. Still another complained that she has to do all the household chores alone, mother in law did not extend any help.
The foremost duty of a married woman is to bear male children to the husband. Female child is not preferred in traditional Pukhtun families. Wesh, traditional land distribution amongst Pukhtun privileges men and discriminates women. It only recognizes men’s right to property and deprives women of this fundamental right. Moreover, protection of family’s resources and honour requires masculine power and enhance the desirability of male issue. ‘We prefer male children because we often have rivalries and boys are our arms (strength)’. Absence of male child sanctions a man to remarry. To avoid the menace of co-wives, women are forced to bring many children to bear a male descendent. Even women themselves justify remarriage of men to have male issue. Lamenting remarriage of husbands:

Significance of marriage for a woman lies in delivering a son, her own desires and sentiments do not count. A son not only preserves and protects family’s name and land but provides food and shelter to the mother too. Hence, a widow having sons is expected not to remarry, but raise her sons. Since, she is provided for, and protected by, her son and can also fulfill the grand purpose of her marriage and existence. Kontun, widowhood, is eulogized for not remarrying but preserving chastity by suppressing her sexuality. The following tapa depicts this situation:

Amongst Pukhtun principal instrument, regulating women’s desires and aspirations, is honour killing. A man or a woman accused of illicit sexual relation is pronounced tor, black, and the penalty is killing. Real or fancied relation of a woman to a man entitles her male relatives to kill her. ‘It is a common practice for men in Shalman, Khyber agency, to keep a gun and a binocular. With the binocular they watch their women, away in the mountain, fetching wood. If they are seen talking or interacting with men, gun is there to kill them.’
Ms X11, aged 17, got married in October, 2008 in her own clan. The husband reported to her father that daughter had lost virginity before marriage. Girl’s father authorized him to find out her accomplice and punish them the way he wanted. Girl was pressured to disclose the name of her sexual partner, who turned out to be her first cousin, living in the same house with her. Both were killed by the girl’s husband. Contrary to prevailing perception that woman is a temptress, her aunt believes that her niece was a pious girl, she used to say her prayers and recite the Quran regularly, but had been misled by that man much older to her.
Since honour killing does not incur revenge, killings for other reasons may be termed honour killing too. Several incidents were reported to the researcher where the woman had been innocent. For instance, in one case a man killed another man over a trivial thing, went home and killed his wife to portray the murder as honour killing. Still in another case, a man committed a murder and killed his sister in law (the wife of his elder brother), in an attempt to portray it as honour killing to escape revenge.  
Male relatives, of allegedly loose women, cannot raise their heads in the community. They suffer harassment and taunts, called names beghairat/bepat, dishonored/disgraced, for not being able to exercise control over their women. Men take pride in chastity, modesty, ability to suffer physical and emotional pain, of the women, they are related to.
Tapa and women’s narratives demonstrate that Pukhtun woman’s desires, sentiments and aspirations have been oppressed and regulated through various customary instruments. Pukhtun men have been claiming authority over the body, desires and aspirations of women in the name of Pukhtunwali and honour. Pukhtun customs grant father/husband/brother/paternal uncle and cousin the status of being owner of woman. She is considered a threat to the honour of her male relatives; hence, her oppression and regulation becomes legitimate. Principal customary instruments regulating women’s desires and aspiration are: honour killing; bride price; cousin, exchange, marriage; Jagh, swara, pore, bad; polygamy, denial of the right to divorce and the consequent non-consensual, forced marriages.
Woman’s narratives elicit conformist, critical and rejectionist responses to regulatory and oppressive customs/traditions. In tapa, they consistently challenge, criticize and reject these regulatory and oppressive customs/traditions. They ridicule Pukhtun notion of honour; protest lack of autonomy over their body and desires; condemn objectification and commodification; bewail swara life, polygamy, mismatch, non-consensual marriages, and separation from the beloved.

Expressions    

Traditional Pukhtunwali regulates woman’s body, desires and sentiments. Man’s honour demands suppression of woman’s aspirations. She is expected to prefer staying home, be modest, be indifferent to matters relating her marriage and submit to her parent’s decision in this regard. A married woman is expected to take care of husband, in-laws and provide services and male issue(s) to her husband. Pukhtunwali also demands of her to accept and bear in silence repulsive, indifferent and abusive husband. Ordinary discourse and historic writings and practices of women, try to demonstrate that Pukhtun women have been influenced drastically by the notions and practices of Pukhtunwali and identify with it and submission has been the sole response.
Women, in ordinary discourse and poetic discourse in tapa, reflect paradoxical, contradictory, at times, mutually exclusive expressions of desires and aspirations. In ordinary discourse, women mostly avoid talking about softer feelings; however, poetry, especially tapa, composed and sung by women, throughout ages, abounds with expressions of love.
Pukhtun women, throughout ages, have been putting up steadfast resistance, against insurmountable odds, to regulation and oppression as well as suppression of desires and sentiments. Reclaiming Pukhtun notions of customs/ traditions, she grants these terms, such as Pukhtunwali and Nang, new contemporary meanings. Resultantly she claims the right to love and in the name of Pukhtunwali, considers it obligatory to stand by beloved.  She creatively and courageously uses tradition as modality to change. Tapa below symbolizes an artistic representation of the courage and creativity of Pukhtun woman:

Hajj, pilgrimage to Mecca, is one of the five pillars of Islam, mandatory for those Muslims, who afford. It is considered by Pukhtun, like other Muslims, equivalent to visiting the house of God, it cleanse sins and bring them closer to God. Even new meanings are given to religious terms, since visiting street of beloved is equated to visiting house of God.
Risking their lives they have been using tapa as an expression, to articulate forbidden sentiments and desires and cultivating seeds of love. Availing existing traditional and creating new channels of articulation and expression of desires and sentiment by women is further discussed below:
In the tapa below, woman pleads her lover, in the name of honour, to rescue her from forced marriage:

In real life, display of love, specifically by woman, is disapproved even within the legitimate marital bond. She is often termed shameless by in-laws, if she explicitly expresses love for husband. Several girls denied being fond of getting married, and those who were married said, ‘we did not want to marry, but had to, for the sake of our parents.’ Some justified it as a religious duty. Those, claiming to love their husbands, had to associate it with traditional, religious bond of nikah. ‘Nikah is such a sweet bond, it generates bountiful love for husband. Even if husband is ugly, after nikah, he seems handsome to wife’, retorted several elderly married women.
In tapa, women express love for their husbands without any pretensions. They often dare to refer to them as janan, beloved:

Life of a newly married woman is very hard amongst Pukhtun in a large extended family. A woman serves the whole extended family of her husband, till her daughters and daughters-in-law take over this responsibility. In the tapa stated above, a woman claims to do all the labor for the sake of her beloved husband. Women recite this tapa to represent sufferings and hardships of post marital household labour, and take pride to have gone through this pain for the sake of their beloved husband. In tapa reverence shown to the husband is also considered as an expression of love:

Tapa also provides a window to fantasies and imaginations of unmarried girls about their future husbands:

             
Those unmarried aging women, express loss, wastage of youth and desires and ensuing despair in these tapa(s):

In practice, Pukhtun girls, can’t dare complain to their fathers, regarding not finding her a match, however, secret recourse for divine help, is considered licit. X12 is unmarried at the age of 24. She is considered to have passed the age of marriage and bears taunts of people. She performs special prayers and ritual reciting verses of the Quran to get married.  She asks her friends to pray for her so that she quickly gets married and her parents are relieved of her burden. Fearing expression of personal desire and sentiments, women deny having same sentiments, expressed in tapa. Though they often compose, modify, sing or recite tapa representing their own situations. Tapa, provides them opportunity to express personal sentiments in the garb of shared social or general sentiments and absolves them of bearing responsibility of carrying such sentiments themselves. Contrary to the ordinary discourse, tapa contains astonishingly bold expressions of love and sexuality.

Expressions such as, inflaming body and lightening gaze refer to strong sexual passion and desire, not expecting in traditional discourse from an honourable Pukhtun lady. The above tapa hints at inciting passion by the woman.

                         
Pezwan is a traditional Pukhtun piece of ornament worn in the nose with wings covering lips. Since a few decades, its usage has become limited. This tapa must have been composed at a time when pezwan was more in usage. It also points to the fact that these passions, desires and sentiments are expressed since long.

Tayamum is ablution without using water. Tayamum may replace normal ablution under prescribed conditions such as; scarcity of water, a disease in which the use of water is forbidden, or during travel. In this tapa woman prefers longevity of taste of a kiss over requirement of ablutions with water for prayer. It substantiates how religious diction is given new meaning.

Since the above tapa refers to muzee, a repulsive husband, it must have been composed in the context of an extra marital relation, otherwise a deadly forbidden subject. 
Separation from the beloved/husband is a recurring theme in tapa. Since means of livelihood are limited in the Pukhtun area, hence, a large number of men have been working as expatriate labour, in Karachi, earlier in big cities of India, as sailors on Greek ships, and currently in Middle East, United States of America, Japan, Korea and Europe. When X13 got married, her husband was working as a labourer in Qatar. He remained away from her for 15 years and visited her only four times and spent 30 days with her, each time, during that entire period. She says, ‘the hardships that I suffered in his absence have ruined my health and beauty, rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Now my complexion is very dull.’ She did not make any reference to her sexual needs, simply took refuge in the ambiguity of the term, hardships. In tapa(s) beloveds and wives articulate sentiments about separation and reunion with beloveds/husbands more vividly:

Subsequent tapa is a modification of the above tapa, apparently by a newlywed bride, because unmarried girls and elderly women normally don’t wear a lot of jewelry.

Some of the above tapa indicate poverty as the source of separation between husband and wife and men going to lands far away to earn livelihood. In the subsequent tapa(s) women belittle wealth and luxuries and prefer living in poverty with their husbands/beloveds:

In real life separation between husband and wife is lamented. In their view, money can never compensate absence of husband, ‘it is not husband’s money alone that a wife wants, it is his love and care she aspires for.’ X14 feels sorry for one of her cousins, whose husband works in Dubai and visits her after long intervals. ‘This is not a life, when you have to live away from your husband, what is the use of such a marriage if she spends her youth alone.’ Six brothers of a family hailing from Jamrud working in Saudi Arabia, were mentioned by many women. They expressed sympathy towards their wives, saying, ‘they live like widows’.
X15, 65 years old, resisted being separated from her husband. She is called helicopter amongst fellow women, for being fast and sharp woman. Her husband was a truck driver during 70s and remained mostly away with the truck in Afghanistan. She was perturbed at his long absence and feared that he might have married in Afghanistan. Once she hid in her husband’s truck, crossed the Durand Line and reached Kabul. When her husband found her, he was impressed by her love for him and promised to never go away from her.  He quit his job and X15 started providing for the family. Apart from working as a midwife at hospital, she runs a small business too. She buys clothes and other accessories for women from Peshawar and sells them to women in Jamrud. She is not as submissive as fellow tribal Pukhtun women. By not accepting to be separated from husband, she denounced sufferings in silence and asserted her sexual demands. By ensuring her partner’s presence beside her, she expresses her zeal to possess and guard her husband and willingness to toil for it taking up the responsibility to earn livelihood.
Both, tapa(s) and women’s narratives, indicate that despite restrictions and imminent threat to life, women have been trying to exploit fully the available channels to spot their lovers, and to arrange meetings with them. Women’s mobility, especially in young age, is highly restricted in tribal and rural areas. They are not allowed to walk alone to school, or to fetch water and gather fuel. They need to be in flocks or accompanied by elder women or male family member. Still they manage to exchange looks and love messages, during wedding ceremonies, visits to relatives, and trips to fetch water, gather fuel, grazing herds and to school.
Elderly women are suspicious of young women going to school and gudar (stream or water source, where women go to fetch water and wash clothes). They quote a proverb, ‘weley la ma za, lage oba o der ba rawrhe tuhmatuna, don’t go to the stream, you will bring little water but more allegations.’ A large number of tapa(s) describe the importance of gudar and going out to fetch water for lovers:

There are tapa(s) demonstrating women going to meet their lovers at night:

In the above tapa, woman pleads to the Talib to delay call for Morning Prayer since she has just reached her beloved and wants to be with him. After hearing call to prayer people start coming out of their homes for mosques. To avoid them she might have to cut her meeting short and rush for home.
In face of strict vigilance and confinement to four wall she broadens almost nonexistent opportunities to interlocute with beloved in the dark at night:

Talib, generally refers to a student of religious studies. They often hail from far flung areas and reside in the mosques. People of the locality, where the mosque is, provide them food, which talib(s) collect after going door to door. This provides an opportunity for women to interact with the talib coming at the door. The tapa shows women have been using it to give vent to their emotions.
Since the code of honour threatens life if she cultivates seeds of love for a man. She is, therefore, forced to hide her feelings. Oppression and the ensuing pain to hide love is so intense that she is not even allowed to mourn the death of her lover:

But women are not always so timid, they dare coming out and face the consequences too:

           
Tapa(s) stated above, demonstrate that women use the discourse of honour and Pukhtunwali differently and provide alternative, feminist interpretation. Those attributes of Pukhtunwali such as keeping words and trusts, courage to face challenges, standing firm and resisting pressure suppressed by malestream Pukhtun are highlighted. In her interpretation Pukhtu for a man means to stand by his beloved, to strive to fulfill one’s love despite obstacles, and readiness to die for one’s love. Pukhtu for a woman means assertion of love, loyalty to the beloved and facing dangers for the sake of love.       

Conclusion
Since time immemorial, Pukhtun women have been controlled by men through regulatory, oppressive notions and instruments of Pukhtunwali expressed in various practices, customs, traditions and institutions. Customary practices such as; volvor, swara, preference for exchange and cousin marriages are some manifestations of those instruments controlling women, though often chief source of unhappy, non-consensual or forced marriages. Man’s range of authority to regulate/control begins from approval of a particular dress code to restriction on mobility and demands an absolute compliance, obedience rather servitude of female family members. Even their bodies, desires, sentiments and aspirations are regulated/controlled in the name of honour and protection. Non approval of divorce and absence of consent marriage leads to forced marriages, polygamy and compulsion to live with abusive and repulsive husbands. Volvor and swara are some of extremely oppressive and institutionalized expressions of commodification of women. Violation of these principal instruments regulating and oppressing women may result into honour killing.  
Since, notions of Pukhtunwali have been used by men as instruments of control and power, depriving women of their agency, creativity and rights over their bodies, desires, and sentiments. Therefore, Pukhtun women respond in diverse, at times contradictory, ways to regulation and oppression of their bodies, desires and sentiments. Women’s narratives and discourse in tapa, reflect mutually exclusive expressions of desires and aspirations. Some elderly women, at times, younger too, in real life discourse conform to malestream instruments of control and traditions. However, Pukhtun women’s narratives and discourse in tapa(s) may also contain subversive elements revealing that they have been protesting against and resisting the regulation, suppression of their desires, sentiments and aspirations. In this endeavor, they have been offering alternative definitions of Pukhtunwali entailing resistance to oppression and coercion, standing firm on one’s words and refusal to bow down in face of adverse circumstances, asserting one’s rights, especially, right to love and consent marriage. This has been a vivid example of not succumbing to regulation and oppression but a potent expression of women’s use of tradition as modality of change in extremely adverse circumstances.

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